My fingers have been itch-itch-itching to post a blog for the last 24 hours or so. I’ve scribbled a higgledy-piggledy pile of notes in two different notebooks in lieu of not being able to get to my laptop. But that’s been healthy in itself. I could have sat last night with laptop; he and me chose to stay in, and I felt it more important just to have some downtime with my man, and make this stuff wait. But now it’s the day after and he’s watching Jurassic Park III (I don’t get it – why did we need 3 films to tell us that you don’t go to islands populated with dinosaurs?), so I figure it’s fine for me to tap away.
While waiting to write I have read a tonne of other people’s blogs that are all, by and large, unpicking 2012 and planning and predicting 2013. A significant proportion of them eschew the very idea of making resolutions, arguing that all one achieves by doing so is make the possibility of failure more likely. I tend to fall into this camp – hence my title. Let’s face it, we think about all this stuff on the cusp of December and January because a couple of Roman Emperors decided there would be twelve pages in your calendar. I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason. After all, if you lived in Shanghai, it wouldn’t occur to you to do this until mid-February. You’re Balinese? Then March is your month for deciding to stop smoking or lose weight. If you spend your days in the shadows of Everest, April is your month for personal assessment. And Ethiopians leave it to September to cogitate and ruminate over their achievements and ambitions.
But – you knew there was a ‘but’ coming, didn’t you! – I am in reflective mood. Things are changing in our lives, and we’ve had a twisty-turny year and we can see that there is more to come. With so much going on, I can’t quite help myself assessing where we are at as a family, and my role in it. I need to look closely at what is mine to do, while wanting to hang on to a sense of self in the midst of it all. So here, totally by coincidence, and nothing at all to do with it being January 1st, are a few ‘thoughts’ on the coming year…
Things I am glad to leave behind;
- Maternity leggings and breastfeeding bras. It’s time.
- The two (yes, two) house moves of 2012.
- Functioning on an average of five hours sleep a night for months at a time. (Thanks to my youngest child for providing me the opportunity to uncover this valuable insight. It’s been great.)
Things I’ll do more of;
- Watering my houseplants. They’ll be grateful.
- Exploring ways to make a greater proportion of my living from writing.
- Carving out TFU and TFM (Time For Us / Me).
Things I am going to have to do;
- Pack boxes for our final house move in February.
- More freelance inspection work to meet the needs of our family purse.
- Continue buying tops with Empire Line waists.
Things I have learnt;
- That I’m not always the Mum I want to be. Sometimes it really is Losing The Plot 1, Patience 0. Time for trying harder.
- That after ten years, and the toughest year we’ve had on many fronts, my hubby is the most perfect man for me. More accurately, I should say that I have re-learnt it. Many times over.
- That after spending my 20s dabbling with this job and that idea, and my 30s doing work that pays well but brings no pleasure, I may just have got back in touch with myself, professionally speaking.
Things I will enjoy with our kids;
- Hearing our son’s first proper words.
- Seeing our daughter start school.
- Getting better at holding back the crazy to play, tickle, laugh, read, cuddle.
Things I intend to do;
- Complete the 50 books challenge set by MamaOwl; I’m going to concentrate on children’s classics so that by the time my daughter wants to read Roald Dahl or Lemony Snicket I can share it with her more fully
- Write blog entries two or three times a week, every week. This blog is doing good things for me, and my writing hopes, and I believe that regular content is the key to getting the most out of it.
- More pelvic floor exercises… Don’t ask.
Things I will embrace;
- Screaming at Robbie with a few thousand others on 29th June; I am a woman, with needs. I’m sure you understand.
- Going to Britmums Live the week before.
- Embracing the best of social media for making me a better informed, broader thinking person. It can do this, honest. Twitter is not just a million teenage girls telling One Direction how ‘ace’ they are. It is simply a matter of knowing who to follow. Try Michael Rosen and David Baddiel for starters.
Intentions, plans, realities. Not a resolution in sight.
Who am I kidding?